no, he came in my armpit
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
