38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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