YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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