just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
