I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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