We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The air was thick with penises
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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