When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
