You can't special order awesome
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
