2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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