I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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