No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
