I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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