I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
why didn't you poke me back
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
