I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
