Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Naked Twister starts at high noon
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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