Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
