The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
