I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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