the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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