yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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