friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
sex in a hospital.. check
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
