you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
