haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
