Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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