She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
