It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
