haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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