sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
