Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
