Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
