Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
