people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
