i don't plan on having that self control this summer
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
