IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
