We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
