At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
