Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I intend to get homeless drunk
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
