Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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