I got chris browned last night
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
