I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
