if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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