I hate all girls vehemently.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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