That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
