he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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