I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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