just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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