Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
