This is not my ceiling
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
