I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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