she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
